Hi everyone! The reason I am starting this blog, is to document the rest of my pregnancy and the labor and delivery of my baby. This is my fourth pregnancy. I am hoping for my kind of birth this time. Honestly, I am just very scared and distrustful of anyone touching me during birth. All three of my past labor and deliveries were very traumatic for me. They have left me scared to give birth.
I decided to try a midwife this time instead of a doctor, and started going to a midwife at 20 weeks. I am 32 weeks pregnant and have been to the midwife a total of three times now. I really don't like going. I wanted to have blood work done and have an ultrasound, but other than that, I wasn't sure what I was looking to do. Instead of delivering at the birth center for $3000, I decided to choose homebirth for about $600. Really inside though, I just want to deliver at home, alone. I am a very shy, private person with anxiety. I feel like I would be more comfortable alone. During my other deliveries, I was very uncomfortable and did not want anyone around me. I feel like being in public affected my ability to birth my baby.
I would love to just stay at home and have my baby. I am worried that I won't be successful though. I plan to go ahead and finish paying the remainder of the $600 that I owe to the midwife for the home birth....just in case I have to call her out. Other than that, I am not even sure if I should notify the midwife when labor starts. If I am ok during labor, then I really don't want anyone bothering me.
I don't want to have an emergency and die, as I have three other daughters to raise. However, I am terrified to have anyone around me during birth. I was hoping I would feel much better by having a midwife this time, instead of an ob/gyn. I really don't feel any better though. Maybe I would enjoy the visits if I had time and money to spend. I don't like having a debate over my health or my body. I like to be left alone. I am not paying for another round of blood work, when I just had blood work done two months ago. I just simply cannot afford that. It was a blessing to be able to do the first round of blood work. I don't enjoy getting a 20 minute lecture on why I need to go straight to the store and buy several bottles of expensive products. When I say no, that should be enough.
I just want to be allowed to try to birth my baby. I know from three past experiences, that the hospital will not let me do that. I would love if they would allow women to be there at the hospital, just in case, but leave them alone and let them labor and have their own babies. I am feeling like I might would be in a battle with the midwife too. I don't want or need anyone stressing me out during my birth. I don't want to have to fight with anyone. I don't want everything to become a debate.
So anyway, I thought there might be some ladies out there feeling the same way I feel towards this issue. I will keep blogging along the way, so everyone can see if things worked out for me. We will see if I can really handle an unassisted home birth, or if I run screaming to the hospital.lol If any of you have been down this road before, I would love to hear from you. I am very scared in this pregnancy and could use the support.
I decided to try a midwife this time instead of a doctor, and started going to a midwife at 20 weeks. I am 32 weeks pregnant and have been to the midwife a total of three times now. I really don't like going. I wanted to have blood work done and have an ultrasound, but other than that, I wasn't sure what I was looking to do. Instead of delivering at the birth center for $3000, I decided to choose homebirth for about $600. Really inside though, I just want to deliver at home, alone. I am a very shy, private person with anxiety. I feel like I would be more comfortable alone. During my other deliveries, I was very uncomfortable and did not want anyone around me. I feel like being in public affected my ability to birth my baby.
I would love to just stay at home and have my baby. I am worried that I won't be successful though. I plan to go ahead and finish paying the remainder of the $600 that I owe to the midwife for the home birth....just in case I have to call her out. Other than that, I am not even sure if I should notify the midwife when labor starts. If I am ok during labor, then I really don't want anyone bothering me.
I don't want to have an emergency and die, as I have three other daughters to raise. However, I am terrified to have anyone around me during birth. I was hoping I would feel much better by having a midwife this time, instead of an ob/gyn. I really don't feel any better though. Maybe I would enjoy the visits if I had time and money to spend. I don't like having a debate over my health or my body. I like to be left alone. I am not paying for another round of blood work, when I just had blood work done two months ago. I just simply cannot afford that. It was a blessing to be able to do the first round of blood work. I don't enjoy getting a 20 minute lecture on why I need to go straight to the store and buy several bottles of expensive products. When I say no, that should be enough.
I just want to be allowed to try to birth my baby. I know from three past experiences, that the hospital will not let me do that. I would love if they would allow women to be there at the hospital, just in case, but leave them alone and let them labor and have their own babies. I am feeling like I might would be in a battle with the midwife too. I don't want or need anyone stressing me out during my birth. I don't want to have to fight with anyone. I don't want everything to become a debate.
So anyway, I thought there might be some ladies out there feeling the same way I feel towards this issue. I will keep blogging along the way, so everyone can see if things worked out for me. We will see if I can really handle an unassisted home birth, or if I run screaming to the hospital.lol If any of you have been down this road before, I would love to hear from you. I am very scared in this pregnancy and could use the support.